Danger! Danger!

[Insert graphic of tornado here, preferably accompanied by a few screen captures from The Wizard of Oz.]

There was a tornado watch or warning Sunday night. I thought I saw a funnel-shaped cloud while driving to the hotel, but I dismissed it. It was drastically lower in the sky than the sheet that formed a seemless cloud ceiling across the entire sky, but it was no where near touching the ground. It freaked me out, but only for a moment. Then I got to the hotel and saw the news. I freaked back out, but again only for a moment.

There was another tornado warning/watch waiting for me when I returned to the hotel on Monday. It was much harder to miss than the previous one since this one was on every channel. Then the power went out for three and a half hours. I took a nap until the electric restoration woke me.

Nothing terrible happened on Tuesday as far as the weather is concerned.

Today we were pulled from the range for yet another tornado warning/watch. So, here I am sitting in the classroom with the rest of students waiting it out. It's been an hour already. Hoping we get an early dismissal, especially since I've already completed my range manuevers and street time for the day. I really just want the hell out of this tiny room.

I don't want to die here. Of course, I don't want to die in my hotel room either, but I would like a shower and some dry clothes at least.

Actually, I don't want to die at all. Ever. But, that should go without saying.

Day 1 of actual driving.

I'm at the range and ready to get started. Yikes.

Drive faster, boy.

I got my permit on Thursday. That was a happy day. Naturally, that means the easy part is over but the fact that I'm halfway toward actually obtaining my Class A CDL is reassuring at least. I may be behind the wheel of an actual truck as early as Monday. That's when the reality of this is probably going to overwhelm me.

I still don't fully understand the process of double clutching. I have read the instructions several times and the phrase ''it takes timing and practice to achieve this maneuver successfully'' still bewilders and haunts me. I have a feeling that this will be a very long week.

The final test will consist of 4 parts: pre-trip inspection, 4 point brake test, range manuevers, and a road test. The pre-trip inspection involves checking all of the various operating systems and part conditions prior to operating the vehicle. There are over 100 parts to identify and inspect. I'm still learning those. I'm definitely not a mechanical person. The brake test seems relatively simple, but until I can get my hands on it, it's just bullshit in my head. I need to develop muscle memory in order to fully comprehend and execute anything I've learned about operating any of these systems. Of all the graded tests, this seems like it will be the easiest to master. The range manuevers, however, seem like they will be the hardest. They involve three different backing scenarios. The first is a simple straight line backing. Fairly simple. Pull forward, back straight, done. The next is slightly more challenging: pull forward again, back into adjacent space, done. The final scenario is incredibly challenging: pull forward again, parallel park, done. That last part is a little ridiculous, but I will continue to attempt it until I master it as well. The road test will be a little stressful, but once I am ale to operate the vehicle it shouldn't take too long to maintain control of it and drive it safely and legally through town. I hope, anyway. Unfortunately, they do not permit you to bank successful test portions. So, if I fail any of them, I must take them all over again. I don't want to retake any of them if I can help. I want to be ready and successful on my first attempt. The school instructors determine when they believe you are ready to officially test and I hope that I'm as ready as they think I am when the time comes.

If I can make this happen in two weeks, I'll be extremely happy. I guess we'll see what happens.

This wasn't in the reviews.

I was going to use direct quotes from the various reviews that I read about the hotel for the students, but rereading those now would really infuriate me. I probably should have been slightly more skeptical about the validity of those reviews since the hotel doesn't have its own website. I mean, how hard is it to setup a simple website? I currently have three blogs, only this one is active at the moment, but they exist. And in theory, if I wanted to... actually... that gives me an idea.

I just spent the last ten minutes making a mocksite. You should check it out here. That's what the reviews should have said, but didn't.

I suppose I should discuss a few of these photos I've posted in case you didn't read my mocksite. Shame on you, by the way. I spent entire minutes of my life finding a free website host, choosing a design theme, providing brilliant text, and uploading my wonderful photos. I even activated the site via email confirmation and published four pages into one completely non-useful, but functional website. Seriously, minutes of my life went into that. Look at some photos. The things I do for you...

This is the eternal sink in my bathroom. I've learned to simply keep the bathroom door shut and ignore it. It is seriously musky in there, too. Everything is wet all the time and there's a mildewy mist that just... I don't like going in there at all. But, sometimes I must.

The pink is a somewhat odd choice. I probably would have gone a different way. Yeah.

I brought my xbox 360 with me for the downtime between class and sleep, but xbox 360 doesn't even have a coaxial cable as an option. I would need to go buy a damn converter just to be able to use the thing on this ancient television which is actually older than I am by a couple years. Yeah. I am really, really happy about that. Also making me really happy is the fact there is no wifi in my room, which was the one thing I actually cared about having. I was very excited when I read the reviews and I saw that wifi was mentioned several times. Lying sons of bitches. I could endure just about anything if you just give me internet access. Seriously. I could overlook everything plus a decomposing body and... the addition of a chicken processing plant next door - for examples - if I was online. Seriously. If I'm connected, who cares about anything else? I don't. Which is just too damn bad in this case. I care alot about all of it.

A few photos to give you a glimpse into where I spend my time when I'm not diligently learning my new trade so I can graduate as early as possible and get the fuck out of here. I understand that I should expect with my new choice of lifestyle that I might on occasion be a temporary guest at a place like this, but I'm not there yet. I'm still in school. I haven't started my life on the road. I'm still accustomed to a certain quality of life. I've lived in places like this before and those were some of the worst times of my life - some of the best, too, but mostly really horrible and devastating to the point that I'll probably never really get into it either in post or conversation. That is saying alot, right there. There's almost nothing I won't share, especially the horrible shit and especially semi-anonymously online. I love rehashing the trauma of my life. But, not that. And being reminded of those moments of my past is really unhealthy for me. I usually sleep until I have to wake up for class. I just want it to be the next day and the next and hopefully before long it'll be over and I'll be gone.

But in the meantime, appreciate the fact that I'm sharing some of this experience with you and that you're not me right now.

The ''good'' book.

I found lots of surprises when I entered my room upon arriving at the hotel for the students. Most disappointing of those surprises was the complete lack of the wifi mentioned in the review (which explains the absence of any posts since I left Ohio) and most amusing of those surprises was the fact that instead of the bible I found a copy of the pictured novel in the semi-broken drawer of the desk. The previous tenant of the room made it to page six (more accurately known as page two). I didn't quite make it that far, but I did make a small attempt. A very small attempt. While no book will ever rival the bible in total publications/sales over the length of it's continued literary history, it has been outsold on the basis of single year sales figures by a few choice novels - or novel series to be more consistently accurate. Thug Lovin', however, is not one of those select powerhouses of popular reading texts. Never will be. Anyway, ranting aside...

I hadn't planned on driving home for the weekend, but the state of the room I would otherwise be subjected to spending 69 idle hours in has provoked me to reconsider. I will most definitely be spending the weekend back at home. This will be my one and only real opportunity to do so during my three week training course since I'll have class 6 days of the week for the final two weeks until graduation. At any rate, I'll wait until I'm back in Ohio to complete the posts for the first week of my stay and I'll also wait to return home before posting about the remaining two weeks of my stay here.

Posting by phone is slightly aggravating, especially when I consider a potential edit. Then I look around my shitty hotel room and I get really aggravated. Still, I endure. That is all.

Bridges won't burn.

A few photos taken in Cortland, Ohio to test my mobile posting functionality. I used to follow this stream from the park all the way downtown to the penny candy store with pockets full of dirty change salvaged from couches and vehicle ashtrays.

One for the road.

I'm actually not leaving until Sunday, but I am leaving. I confirmed it on Tuesday afternoon which gave me just five days to prepare. Not alot of time, by any means.

I really hope I'm ready for this.

Live This Day.

It's a brand new day. I'm sure you've said that before. Can you count the times? I won't even try. Maybe you can't remember having actually muttered the words. Doesn't matter. You have heard it said. How many, many times, so have I. Welcome to today; it's brand new. Uncharted territory. The only frontier left to us undiscovered, pure, original. A brand new day.

Dog shit.

I know the theory of today far too well. I know the logic of that flawed argument. Yesterday ended, tomorrow has yet to come, welcome to today by default and a play on verb tenses. The real truth is - it's all an illusion. Time intervals are tricky fallacies we trap ourselves in to separate moments, events, lives. In reality, yesterday hasn't ended and refuses to do so. It continues forever. Day after figurative day it grows more monstrous and unrelenting. It's a collection, a limitless dumping ground for all our spent moments of life. Tomorrow never comes. There is no such thing as tomorrow. It is a lie. Even in our deaths, as our consciousness fades into the infinite void and we slowly rot away, we can not touch the tragic and failed legend of tomorrow. There simply is no morning after, no next day, no future. Today is the never-ending story of our whole lives and beyond. There is no escaping this day. Today is forever and ever and ever.

We confuse the complexity of this truth in so many ways. We watch our shadows move around us in small arcs until they finally stretch and explode and envelope our worlds in the darkness of a dead day. We make our observations and measurements and calculations. We mark the hours. Add. Multiply. Divide. We fancy ourselves brilliant masters of time management and believe our basic mathematical competency makes any moment more special than the last. We develop systems, routines, behavior, science. We divide our days into hours, minutes, and seconds. Everything is timed and carefully calculated. We mark off the progress of the Earth's rotation versus its revolution around the sun and call it 1 of 365. We dress this imagined progress up with titles, numbers, subgroups, and more numbers. We give each rotation it's own signifier to further the charade that every day is in fact different. Monday, Wednesday, Saturday... Fill-in-the-blank day. We reference the Good Book and group them by 7. If it was good enough for Him, we will shape our days in His image. New days. Brand new days. One entire week of them. But it's not enough. We need more ways to compartmentalize and divide and exploit our new fiction of time progression. We invent months to group our weeks and days. 365 is such a harsh number to swallow. 30 is much easier number to play with. If we can just chop it up into small enough pieces we may not ever have to chew the bullshit that we're swallowing now. January, February, November. They are so deliciously imprecise and awkward. We weigh them out like an apprentice butcher. This one has 31 days, this one only 28. We have a 25% success rate and that's good enough for us. We can't even divide evenly and we think we've actually accomplished something. Delighted with our own ingenuity we count each revolution to chart our success. 1, 500, 1999, 2005. We've come a long way now. Something ended, something began, something changed. We made something happen. What? What changed? Nothing. We imagined it all and reveled oblivious to our own arrogance and ignorance. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The divine trinity of time. A perception we taught ourselves to marvel. How magical it all seemed once to think there were these convenient compartments to stuff the imaginary and random segments of our lives into and desperate try to hide them behind a simple expression and a travesty of language.

To what purpose, to what real effect do we make these distinctions? Order to chaos. Things must be made more manageable. We can not allow the infinite nature of time to continue unchallenged. We can not possibly be expected to confront the magnitude of forever without some expert practiced method to simplify and degrade it. We can not possibly be expected to handle thoughts and ideas larger than our fragile lives and worlds. So we cut it all down, reduce, package, label. We take it all in small doses. We build up our tolerance until we become immune. We think less and micromanage reality. We embrace the casual expressions that mock our limited grasp of our own inadequacy. Rome wasn't built in a day, afterall. There's always tomorrow. Remember the good ole days? It's a brand new day.

Lies. Propaganda. Yellow journalism.

Tomorrow never comes. Yesterday is spent. There is only today.

[Written in 2004 and revised on September 20, 2009]