Cabin fever.

I want my own truck.

I don't want it a month or even weeks from now, either. I want my own truck now. Now, now, now.

I don't know if spending the last eleven days stuck in close quarters with one of the most miserable bastards of all time has finally taken a toll on my patience or if the fact that today was unofficially declared ''offensive joke day'' proved to be too much for me, but I think I've had enough. I almost vomited twice today.

I realize alot of this situation is my fault. At any time, I could have requested another trainer. I still can, of course. But, there's no garauntee the next one won't be horrible in completely new, unimaginable ways or in the exact same ways. Also, people talk. I don't want a reputation for being this whiney, difficult bitch. Because, I'm not. I do whine, but not outloud. I blog-bitch about it. That's healthy. I swallow it and then purge it all over the internet whenever an opportune moment presents itself. I'm really surprised that I've already reached my annoyance threshold. It's perplexing. My parody/mimic defense always works. I'm a natural actor. I perform on some level every single day. It's automatic. I often don't even realize just how much of me is simply a combination of defense mechanisms, trained behavior, and facades. This shouldn't be a problem for me, but it is.

I'm not repeting a single joke. Usually, I choose a few of my favorite examples of dialogue to sprinkle throughout my posts, but I'm not going to repeat anything from today. I'm actually actively working on forcing my mind to overwrite the information. But, I have no new data to replace it with. I would memorize a user's manual at this point and worry about overwriting that information later - if only I had one.

Eleven hours of driving allows me alot of time to think, dissect, analyze, rationalize, ponder, obsess...

Then Mickey announced he was considering quitting smoking. He added a byline of ''cold turkey''. I told him that might be good for his health, but I didn't care to still be in the truck whenever he decided to begin that experiment.

Maybe there's an out there. I hope so. He's still thinking about it. He might talk to someone. That would be lovely. I don't care if they upgrade me to my own truck or throw me in with another trainer - long as I don't have to start all the way over. My patience is already exhausted.