Mickey

''I'm sorry. I still didn't catch that.''
''At home.''
''Oh. I don't know what I was hearing, but-''
''It's alright. I'm used to dealing with you Yankees and having to repeat myself. I don't speak the Queen's English.''
''I don't think I... Um. Ok. So...''

Filling out forms in my logbook for the first few days of my training was challenging and fun. My trainer, who I will refer to as ''Mickey'' based on his physical similarities to Mickey Rourke (while filming Ironman 2, most specifically), is a Southerner with a very delightful and at times incoherent Southern drawl. Unfortunately, this is the least interesting thing about him.

''Married?''
''No.''
''Ex-wife or girlfriend?''
''Nope.''
''Kids?''
''No.''
''You're a fag!''
''Ha. Yeah. I'm a fag.''
''So, why aren't you-''
''Divorced twice and enjoying the privilege of paying allimony and child support for some careless life decisions?''
''You got a point. So, you're not queer?''
''Are you?''
''Hell no. I don't (something incomprehensible) and that's that.''
''Never can tell.''
''Oh, you can tell most of the time. But some of them are sneaky sonsabitches. They infiltrate our ranks and degrade our society from within. So I always ask. My wife says I'm a racist, homophobic bigot. She says that like it's a bad thing. I don't care what anyone does in private behind closed doors. I just don't care to see it and have it thrown in my face.''
''I agree. Certain things should stay private.''
''You ain't religious, are you?''
''Not especially. I believe in personal accountability.''
''Well, that's alright. Long as you don't get offended easy.''
''I'm not sure you can offend me. Maybe, but I doubt it.''
''We should get along alright then. Long as you're not one of those whiny liberals, because you won't like me much if you are.''
''I used to be. Then I started working for a living.''
''Ain't that the truth!'' He laughed until he choked, then he added, ''God, guns, and country.''
''I can handle that.''

Kinda wish I had a gun to handle, just in case. Luckily, my mind is a tricky, marvelous weapon in its own right and my tongue is always sharp and never needs reloaded. This is going to be very, very interesting.

(...to be continued.)